Small joys

There are two approaches to happiness. One is when a person feels happiness in the depth of their soul. This is called true happiness, for example when somebody gets united with a true love. It is when a person discovers a treasure. It could be both materialistic and spiritual. The other approach which is more realistic is called small joys, for instance a particular look, a smile, a taste of food, or a song, etc.

Omar Khayyam, a famous Iranian philosopher, poet, astronomer and mathematician who lived 5 centuries ago has a particular thought that focuses on the present moment--not the past and not the future, just now. He stresses that future is not in our hands, and the past has passed, so wise people stick to their present time and make the best out of it. This approach caused him to be labeled as a determinist, which is beyond our argument, so I will skip further explanation on this point.

Modern era raised most restrictions and therefore decreased instances of heartfelt happiness. Lives were not as simple as before. People had to struggle more for less gains. Happiness seemed far to be achieved. Instead it was altered to stress, depression and all mental disease. More discoveries in the twentieth century particularly in technology and science resulted in more welfare and physical well-being, but it did not bring about more happiness. In fact, year after year people felt they faced to a more complicated world. Therefore humankind felt more bewildered. However the question of happiness was extremely central. A very important accomplishment was overcoming deep sorrows and neurotic tensions.

In order to find a way out of this complex, Khayyam thought was reread. If we could not access A, we would alter B. In other words, if we do not have 100, reaching whatever figure between 1 and 99 would be better than 0. Of course, the higher, the better. According to Khayyam: “The past has passed. We are not sure about the future. Let us enjoy the present.” The world has welcomed Khayyam more than before in the past twenty years. His poem anthology –Rubaiyat-- has been translated to many languages and has been among bestsellers in the most important cultural fields. Also there were many seminars and researches about his thought in academia. This indicates that his thought has become more popular since then.

Replacing deeper joys with small happiness is an adaptation from Khayyam's train of thought. However small joys might not seem worthwhile, since they are accessible to all, they vary and numerous. Psychologists recommend that if people know their specific small joys, they could add the dosage of them in their everyday lives and increase their happiness. Summing up all these small joys increases one's contentment.

I have listed some of my small joys once and might publish it here.

A letter to the French consulate in London

Dear consulate,

Today I had an appointment in Exhibition House to apply for visa for my son. He is going to Lille with his school in a language trip for three days. Unfortunately he is the only one that needs a visa in their group, so the school was unable to apply on his behalf. The appointment time was at 12. I reached there half an hour early and an officer told me to stand in a long queue.

I had asked the school to provide me a letter stating that my son was in the trip, and their travel plan and all documents about their trip. They wrote a letter explaining the trip and the hotel reservation and the times of their travel with Eurostar train. The letter also stated that my son was chosen for the trip with some other children and that we had paid for the trip, and they have insured the students in the trip. Your officer treated the letter as missing document. I can ask the school to explain more, but I am not sure they can provide as much as your officer wanted. For example I recon they have booked the train and the hotel for a group not for each student by their names. Etc.

The main issue, I am writing this letter to you is about the waste of my son's and my time for this visa. It took a whole four hours being there. I am a scholar and a publisher here in Britain. When I left the Exhibition House it was after 3:30. Why should I spend my son's and myself's entire day just for a visa? I think the process was too slow and it needs a real improvement.

The other point is about some of staff's behaviour. I am sorry to say that I found some unfriendly and a bit harsh manner from the staff.

All in all, my son is going to a three day language trip. His school took all the responsibility and gave me this letter which I provided to you, along with all other documents needed from our part. Why should the process be that much tough? How could it treat this as a big deal? And more importantly why some of your staff should behave not very appropriately? And why does the process of taking the documents take so long? Why should they waste people's time?

I hope this letter does not affect my son's application in a wrong way, and that it gives you a taste of the atmosphere of this office.

Ways to happiness

How can mankind reach happiness? We can apply a philosophical or social approach to answer this question. Here I leave the first one and stick mostly to the second. I will mention some factors which result in happiness:

First, calmness. Anxiety, worry, depression and other mental tensions get humankind far from being happy. On the other hand, the calmer one feels, the more one can enjoy the surrounding beauties.

Second, tolerance. Modern era has created more cities rather than people remaining in their countryside. Cities have their pros and cons. One of their main disadvantages is that people are more atomized in the cities. Therefore their personal interests grow apart. They seek more beneficial lives and it causes more conflicts. Tolerance is the most useful characteristic for avoiding these conflicts as much as possible. Fewer conflicts will result in more happiness.

Third, dialogue. Misunderstanding is one of those factors which raise conflicts and dialogue is the only way to prevent it. One could say less misunderstanding will heighten the possibility of happiness.

Fourth, compromise. Social contracts like laws and rules from Jean-Jacques Rousseau`s argument need a legitimate and acceptable compromise. A true law will result in more social and personal rights. When one feels that one has an undeniable right, one can count on it and it will result in more social and personal satisfaction which will raise happiness.

Fifth, welfare. Although I do not believe money or possessions can buy happiness, I believe poverty will not cause contentment either. One has to have access to vital needs to live a safe, healthy, and happy life.

Sixth, a meaningful life. Life has to be meaningful for everybody. When I apply the term meaningful it does not refer to a specific ideology or belief. Without it, happiness never deepens.

Seventh, good health. A healthier body can bring happiness and vice versa. Mental and physical health are both important here.

Eighth, joy. Happiness and joy come from the same root. Whatever brings joy will end in happiness. These two are strictly connected.

Ninth, family or friends. Members of family and best friends are one's capital. They play a vital role in one's life particularly in hard times. Their support, their company and their love are exclusive. The idea of having them brings hope and happiness. No matter how far they live from you, what really matters is just this belief that you can rely and count on them.

The ways to happiness could be added, but I think the factors which I mentioned above are the main ones.

The subject –happiness-- will be continued.

The impact of loneliness

My presumption is that mankind is less happier now than decades ago. The question is why? I think the main reason for that is associated with modernity. The modern era has humankind to be lonelier. Even though humanity benefits from a better life nowadays, they cannot keep their peace as before. In fact better life represents higher levels of welfare, well-being, life expectancy, hygiene, education, accommodation and so on. It seemed that obtaining them should make people happy but it has not been that simple. 

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Research shows that the number of  mental disease cases have gone up dramatically year after year in the past half century. One fifth of all adults suffer from a kind of depression. This figure is even higher in the big cities. The rate of suicide has been excessively high. All people have had more things to worry about in their everyday lives. All media are full of upsetting stories resulting from mental disorders. Recently I came across a young friend. Apparently she was quite alright, but she told me she had been in a hospital for the past three months, suffering from a very deep depression. She had received thirty shock treatments. It was unbelievable. She said all her problems started after she had realised her mother had a killing cancer. She had had a very hard and sad situation after that until her mother died. Now, however she was released from the hospital, she was still continuing her strict treatment. She had enough wealth, good education, a beautiful face, a good job, nice comfort life, but all she lacked was happiness. She felt lonely and failed to get out of it. 

I think this is not just her problem. It is the main problem of today’s world. Modernity has developed progress in science vastly, but it has had many side effects as well. Loneliness is at the center of that. In the beginning of last century, people got very excited, dreaming of making an entire distinct world in consequence of the pace of discoveries in many fields. They thought their lives will be incomparable with what it used to be like. Now after almost a century, they have realised, that thought was just a naive and childish perception. Now people know that just progress in science is not enough to feel contented. Therefore they are after happiness, good and meaningful life as well.

This argument will be continued. 

A distinct experience

I visited a mosque yesterday which inspired me to write about it today, instead of carrying on the happiness topic. I will continue that later on. 

The day before yesterday, the family of my deceased friend invited me to this mosque to pray on his body. Praying on a recently dead Muslim body is one of  the  main Islamic rituals. 

I checked the given address and I found it quite far in the North West London. Fortunately one of the underground lines ended around the area. Nevertheless it took one and a half  hours to get there including 28-minutes walk in the hilly roads. I have never been there before. Underground in London usually goes to over ground when it is far from the center. That is why the nearer the car got to the destination, the more beautiful the area became. Houses were beautiful unique architectural villas with artistically designed front gardens. Roads were mostly narrow with a shadow of green tall leafy trees. The whole landscape was extremely dazzling. The scent of the green land and the bird songs caused a good feeling on me. It was intoxicating. I could have enjoyed walking for a long time. I would have liked to close my eyes, quietly sing, and dream!

The mosque belonged to Shias. It was huge and had several halls, divided for different purposes. Even though the whole process was familiar to me, I felt a bit different from what we normally have in Iran. One distinction was about the language. We are not used to hearing English in the mosques. The other difference was associated with its architecture. The main hall was like a renovated old countryside mosque with several arches and high windows. A tiny Mehrab was placed in a corner. The last differences were the rest rooms. They were hygienically clean. The last point I would like to mention here was the lack of hypocrisy. 

The sun was setting and people were getting ready for their prayer. I felt that the atmosphere was spiritual. They brought the coffin calmly, put it in front of the line of more than a hundred praying people and we prayed sadly afterwards. It was surprising for me to see the gathering of so many Iranians in such a faraway place, some had come from other cities.

All in all, it was a quite enjoyable and valuable experience, and on top of everything, the last chance for me to say goodbye to this gracious friend. I wish him to rest in peace forever.

Happiness

Not very long ago, good governance was all about a progress process with lack of corruption. People wanted welfare and good luck for their offspring. Now things are seen a bit differently. People in the developed world have access to their indispensable needs such as vital medical services, good education, efficient transport systems, obtaining accommodation, supporting the vulnerable (e.g. the elderly, children, jobless people, patients, poor people) and so on. It seems people have basic welfare and a better apparent life, but credible surveys indicate that people are less satisfied than before. That is why the base of election campaigns between parties in those countries are not just about economic or political quarrels, but partly, it is about how they can boost the quality of life, and the concept of happiness is at its top. They announce their plans, explaining how they will manage to get a better life for everybody. The main question here is: what is a better life? In recent mainstream it represents quality life. Therefore you cannot measure it just by quantity parameters. More important is the level of quality parameters such as happiness or a system with more participatory citizens, more rights for minorities, etc.

In my next piece I will answer the questions, “What is happiness?” And “why people do not feel happier nowadays?”

The quality of spare time

How do you spend your spare time, watching TV shows, or a movie, listening to a radio program, reading a book, drawing a picture, or would you rather enjoy hanging out with a friend? Whatever you choose, it shows a part of your character, and also the society you belong to. For instance here in Britain most people read, but the proportion of reading in my hometown is very low. The main question is: what is the quality of one's spare time? Despite distinct definitions of the words quality or spare time, I would prefer to stick to common sense and raise these questions: considering different types of spare time, how popular are cultural choices? How much do people feel they waste their spare time? What would the percentages of those choices be that require company in comparison to solitary activities? In general, how do they feel about their spare time? How satisfied are they and how frustrated? 

I have not seen any research to find out the answers of these questions yet, but I suppose the more the proportions of cultural options, the more developed you can expect the society to be, and vice versa. As mankind feels more lonely in the modern era, people are more likely to spend their spare time on their own. Also the level of satisfaction depends on their feelings and, on the other hand, on the quality of the choices. One should institute a tight connection between these two: namely sensation and wisdom, not only for spare time, but also applicable to the whole steps of life. 

Social maturity

This morning my wife and I were talking about social maturity during our breakfast. Our younger son just turned 13 a week ago. We think he is still very young. Every morning when I try to wake him up, I enjoy looking at his innocent face. Sometimes he makes excuses to sleep a bit more. He even might get bad tempered, but still he shows his childish character which is adorable. I cannot believe he has reached an age to get married or go to war! Mentioning these examples might seem odd, but it is true. Not very long ago (30 years ago or so) we faced to such things around of us. Speaking of which, my wife said a real story which was shocking: when she was just a 9 or 10 year-old child in a primary school, one of her classmates got married. She even was invited to this wedding party with her parents. She said, it was like a birthday party to me. They were living in a slum area. The groom was around 13 years old, exactly the same as our son. It seems unbelievable now, still true though. Nowadays most people have reached to this conclusion that marriage in an early age is inappropriate. However, this is not my main concern here. My argument is that the youth are more dependent now. They depend on their parents, their friends, their schools or universities, even on their gadgets! More than it used to be in the old times. It is peculiar because the youth's knowledge have definitely increased, thanks to the internet and accessible informative devices. The society feels the youth are less independent. This is another paradoxical dimension of the new world: more knowledge, less abilities. Am I right?